Sickness within Oneself
by Noodles90210
Summary: Riza ends up with a deathly disease will roy be able to save more importantly will he be able to live wihtout her if she dies. Read and find out R&R rating just to be safe
1. Prologue

**Sickness with One's Self**

**IMPORTANT NOTICEI had originally posted this before my wonderful beta reader checked it over so she want to check it and the next 2 chapters are going to be different from what you originally read thanks to Riku Moriyama! Check out her FMA story called Learning to Fly**

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from Fullmetal Alchemist although I wish that I did.

Enjoy!

Chapter One- Dizzy

First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye woke up feeling fine like any other day. She made breakfast and took a shower. However, as she walked to work, she felt momentarily lightheaded and a weak. As quickly as the pain had come, it was gone again. She shrugged it off and continued on her way to work.

She greeted her Superior Roy Mustang as he strolled in late, yet again.

"Sir, can you ever be on time for work?" Hawkeye said in an annoyed voice, not even bothering to look up from her paperwork. He was probably out late again on another date.

"Good morning to you to Hawkeye. So Lieutenant, what paperwork do you have for me today?" He said, smirking at her exasperated expression. Mustang took a closer look at her face and thought to himself,

"She looks very pale today and tired. Note to self- watch Hawkeye closely to see if she gets any worse." He came out of his thoughts as he heard Hawkeye talking to him.

"Well Sir, I've never known you to ask for your paperwork but since you insist, here are the first out of three stacks of files that need to be read and signed. And don't just sign them without reading like you always do!"

Both Mustang and Hawkeye worked all the way through lunch without incident. (Not counting the occasional Hughes popping in with more pictures to show.) Around 6:30 they finally finished all their work. Here is where things start to get interesting.

As Hawkeye started to pack up her things, she was hit with another bout of lightheadedness and weakness.

"I feel really strange…" She thought to herself, gripping her desk. "Is this what I get for overworking?"

Mustang saw Hawkeye's pained expression and walked over to her side.

"Hey Hawkeye, are you all right?" His concern was evident in his voice. He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You look worse than this morning…"

Hawkeye felt dizzy and looked up at Mustang.

"Sir…I-

Then everything went black.

So what do you think? So far I am trying something different and I good use some positive reinforcement. Reviews are always appreciated! Thanks a lot, and the next chapter will be up as soon as possible.


	2. She's Sick?

Roy's PoV

"Oh my gosh Hawkeye say something speak to me anything? He was pleading at this point. "I need you Riza "I blushed when he said her name. I can't make it to the Top without you.

He took her pulse and it was there but slow she has a high fever. He picked her up bridal style and ran her out to his car. He rushed her over to the hospital almost ready to cry but he wouldn't allow himself he had to be strong for Riza. The doctors immediately took her away to get her stable and find out what's wrong with her. Roy waited there so he can make sure she was alright. The doctor came out about an hour later and told him, he can go in to see her but she might be asleep.

She looks so peaceful sleeping. The sight of her is tearing my heart into pieces she looks very pale ghost-like yet still beautiful like she always is. _What am I saying Roy this is Hawkeye we're talking about it's against regulations._ There are monitors attached to her regulating things. To think my once invincible lieutenant laying here looking so weak and feeble.

"Hi yes are you her husband" the doctor asked politely.

"Um no I am her superior officer in the military and a good friend can you tell what is wrong with her?" Roy asked a bit embarrassed from the husband question.

"Yes well Miss Hawkeye has leukemia. And we will have to perform surgery to get the tumor out in a couple of weeks. She will need some one to take care of her post and after the surgery because she will very weak and tired she might have occasional fevers and headaches and after the surgery she might have nausea that would be from the anesthesia. But she has a high chance of coming out of this alive."

"Ok thank you would it be ok if I stay here with her and when she wakes up I can tell her exactly what you told me about the leukemia and everything." Roy was surprised at the uneasiness his voice sounds right now. I watched the doctor leave so I can pull up a chair and watch her till she awakes. "Riza I know you can't hear me but I just wanted to tell you that I love you so much and I will stand by you until to get through this" I can't believe I just said that out loud well at least she can't hear me because she is asleep I know we can never be together or a least till I'm Fuhrer because of that stupid fraternization law. He felt himself become tired and slowly his eye closed.

Srry everyone that its so short my beta just left for vacation and I don't want to right chapter to long because I know my proofreading skills aren't that great and also I will update in a couple of days. Srry for any mistakes as well signing off for now Potterandefronlover out.


	3. AN Vacation

ImportantImportantImportantImportantImportantImportant

Sorry Everyone I leave tomorrow for vacation and I won't be back until the Sunday the 13th so I am just letting you know that I won't be able to update for a while am I once again am deeply sorry. But on a brighter note I have very good ideas on where I want the story to go and I am almost done with my next few chapters however they are not typed so that's I can't get them posted to you right now but when I get back I will have much more for everyone.


	4. Reactions with a Kiss

Sorry it took so long well here it is please read and review and I don't own any of the characters but I do own the plot and another shout out to my partner in crime my best friend in the whole wide world who I've own since kindergarten Riku Moriyama. 

Chapter 3 

"_So, once we get more reinforcements, we will be able to massacre those Ishbalan traitors."_

_Brigadier General Gran was discussing another strategy concerning the now seven year long Ishbal War to the Fuhrer._

_The newly recruited Major Mustang decided he needed to take a break from all this war talk. Excusing himself, he stepped out of the barracks where he was stationed. As he gazed over the landscape, the only thing he saw were sand dunes and shattered lives._

"_Why did I agree to come here and assist in this devastation?" He wondered to himself, thinking sadly thinking of the lives already lost in this pointless war. While he was lost in his thoughts, two other people exited the barracks and started to walk up to him. He snapped out of his trance and saluted. His salute was aimed for Brigadier General Gran, whom he immediately recognized, but he had no idea who the other person was. It was a young woman. Gran's girlfriend maybe? "Highly unlikely." Mustang thought, thinking of Gran's personality. As they walked closer he noticed that the woman was in uniform so it was possible that she was a new recruit. Women soldiers were rare in Ishbal. The pair finally reached Mustang. Gran waved away Mustang's salute. He gestured carelessly at the woman standing beside him._

"_Mustang, this is your new right wing sniper. Teach her the ropes of this place and show her where she will be staying."_

_The woman extended her hand and Mustang shook it. She wasn't smiling, but he saw warmth and strength in her eyes._

"_I'm pleased to make your acquaintance sir. My name is Riza Hawkeye. It will be an honor to work under your command."_

Mustang was suddenly jarred out of his daydream by the sound of rustling sheets. He looked and saw that the noise was only Hawkeye turning over in her sleep. Sighing, he went back to his dream, thinking of an event that happened after his terrible night, when he had first used the red stones.

_Mustang sat alone in his barracks, head in his hands and contemplating how he had killed so many people. He stared at the ring on his hand, the ring he used to massacre the helpless Ishbalan people. He ripped it off his hand and threw it across the room. As he watched the ring clatter across the floor, he let his mind sink into despair._

"_All those people I killed, even if it was for the sake of war; my hands are stained with murder. How can I keep living as if nothing happened? I don't deserve to live any longer in this world. I deserve to go to hell for my sins."_

_Mustang then noticed some of Hughes throwing knives on the table, left over from his last visit when he was bragging about his girlfriend. On a sudden impulse, he picked up one and brought it up to his neck. He closed his eyes and clenched his teeth. He inched the knife closer to his neck. As he was about to break the skin, he was stopped by a loud, sharp noise, and the knife was knocked away from his hand. He turned to see Hawkeye standing in the doorway, a pistol in her grip. He looked down and saw the knife on the ground, shot in two separate pieces. He hung his head in shame._

_When Mustang finally had the courage to look at Hawkeye, he was quite shocked to see a mixture of terror, sadness and concern etched on her face._

Just then Mustang heard a loud bang and a splash. He jolted up and saw a young fumbling with the I.V. She blushed when she saw Mustang staring.

"I'm sorry sir! I'm new here."

"It's ok just leave before you wake up Riz... Uh I mean Lieutenant Hawkeye."

"Yes sir. Sorry about that!"

As soon as he saw the nurse scurry from the room Mustang decided to watch Hawkeye sleep. Without realizing what he was doing, he started stroking Riza's long, blonde hair. She stirred a little from his touch, and then he heard her give a sigh he took as contentment. Mustang then decided that he needed to give his subordinate some space. He got out of his chair and headed for the door. Mustang was just heading past Hawkeye's bed when he suddenly slipped on some of the spilt medication from the I.V.

"_Damn nurse!"_ he thought as his head hit the floor and everything went black...

Two Days Later

Mustang woke up to find himself in a hospital bed with throbbing head. He looked over and saw the same nurse from before. She looked like she was about to cry. As soon as she saw him staring she practically threw himself on him, begging for an apology.

"I'm so, so sorry sir! If I had cleaned that spill, you wouldn't have tripped and gotten bandages, and, and..."

Mustang awkwardly patted her head, having no real experience with the female mind.

"Uh, really, it's ok, I'm fine. Really."

The nurse gave him such a look of happiness that it was almost sickening.

"That's great! Is there anything I can get for you? I mean, you have been out for about two days now..."

"TWO DAYS! I'VE BEEN HERE FOR TWO DAYS!"

The nurse hid behind her clipboard, giving a quick nod.

"How is Ri- Hawkeye?"

The nurse frowned and her eyes went downcast.

Mustang jumped out of the bed, ignoring the pain from his head and ran straight out the door. The nurse ran up and tried to stop him from moving.

"But wait, sir, you can't leave your bed! Doctor's orders!"

I don't give a damn about doctors or orders for that matter; I need to see my subordinate!"

Running, with the nurse holding on for dear life, Mustang ran into to the hallway to realize that his room was only a few down from Hawkeye's. Without thinking of what he might find, Mustang burst though the door to find Hawkeye in her bed, calmly reading a book about the development of the modern handgun. She looked up at the sudden noise to find her superior officer panting in the doorway, dragging a nurse behind him and looking like a manic. It was a testament to Hawkeye's personality that she didn't burst out laughing. She merely looked at him with puzzled amusement.

"Hello sir. Um, what are you doing here?"

Mustang peeled the nurse off him and shoved her out the door. Ignoring the loud noises that followed, he shut the door and walked over to Hawkeye's bedside. Trying to hide his embarrassment, Mustang scratched his head and looked at anything except Hawkeye.

"What do mean what am I doing here? Is it wrong for an officer to come in and check on his subordinate every once in a while?"

Hawkeye put down her book and looked Mustang straight in the eye.

"Well sir, its one thing to come and visit, but it's quite another to come and never leave. Judging by the amount of growth on your face, and the oil in your hair, I'd say you've been here for at least two days." (House reference! )

Mustang smiled, glad that her powers of observation hadn't left her, even with all that had happened. His smile faded as he realized that she probably didn't realized what had happened to her. That thought was confirmed as he listened to Hawkeye's next question.

"Sir, can you tell me what happened to me? I keep on asking, but no one seems to want to answer."

Mustang sat on her bed and took a deep breath.

"Well, you're here because about two days ago I was about to send you home sick when you suddenly collapsed into my arms. I then found out that you had a high fever, so I rushed you to the hospital."

Mustang knew that he should tell her about the cancer, but he didn't know how to bring it up. How do you tell someone that they have a deadly disease in a conversation?

Hawkeye knew that Mustang was keeping something from her, and she wanted to know what it was. Mustang looked like he was about to cry, so she knew that it was something serious.

"Sir, I know that you aren't telling me everything, and I need to know, however hard it may be for you to say."

Mustang merely fiddled with his hands and looked away from the apprehensive Hawkeye.

"Hawkeye, I really hate to have to be the one to tell you this, but I don't think that you will be able to come back to the office for a while….."

"What? Sir you can't be serious! I mean, you guys will fall apart with out me! I know that whatever I have won't interfere with my work. I can handle it sir. "

"Hawkeye, you didn't let me finish." Mustang said, sighing as he looked out the window. He brought his attention back to Hawkeye. Gingerly, he took Hawkeye's small hands and held them in his large ones. Looking her directly in the eye, he started to speak.

"You see, the reason you will not be returning to the office for a while is because you will be receiving treatment for the cancer, leukemia."

Hawkeye's mind reeled with this newly acquired information, but she didn't show it on her face. She tried to pull her hands away from Mustang's, but he wouldn't let go. The only thing she let slip was a small quiver in her voice.

"I have...leukemia? But that's impossible! I always eat the right food, I work out regularly, and I go to the doctors every six months. How can this be?"

Mustang could tell that Hawkeye was taking this new way too calmly. He could see conflicting emotions on her face, emotions that she wouldn't let Mustang see.

He knew that he needed to give her a moment.

"Well, um, I'm going to get something to eat. Do you want something?"

Hawkeye shook her head and picked up her book and continued reading. As soon as Mustang had closed the door, and she heard his footsteps fade away, she completely broke down. She threw her book across the floor and brought her knees to her chest. Her entire body was shaking, and she couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

"_Why is this happening to me?" _she thought between sobs. "_I'm breaking my promise to Roy, and there's nothing I can do about it! I feel so helpless..."_

Mustang ran in, hearing the noise of the book. Seeing the hysterical Riza, he ran over to her and draped his arms around her, holding her firmly, yet gently. He had no idea what to say to help ease her pain.

"Sshh, it's alright. I'm here now we are going to get through this so don't worry. I am **not** going to let you die. I will help you get better no matter what the cost."

Mustang continued to hold her, and said soothing words. Riza was so upset and lost in her own world, that she didn't even realize Roy was holding her, so he did the only he could think of to do to get her to calm down. While holding her, he slowly bent his head, closed his eyes and gently kissed her on the lips.

It took Riza a moment to realize what had just happened. Without thinking, she leaned up and returned the kiss, only on Roy's lips. Both pulled away at that moment, unsure of what had just happened. Roy suddenly had great interest in the hospital curtains. Riza tapped him on the shoulder and forced him to look her in the eye.

"Roy, why did you just kiss me?" Riza asked, making sure that the kiss really happened, and it wasn't a dream. And before he was given the chance to answer that Riza had lowered her head and enveloped him in another kiss but this time it was more desperate and passionate to the point where she almost had him completely on top of her. Roy pulled away knowing why Riza was doing this. She looked up into his dark sorrowful eyes and thanked him for she too knew she was going too far.

That's the end for now sorry it took me so long to get this out which exactly why I made the chapter a little bit longer then my other's because I feel bad it took me so long to get this out. I went away and then school started soon after so I was really really busy but it calmed down a little so I finally finished this chapter. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW


	5. Surgery

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist just the plot teehee

Surgery

An hour later after the kiss incident, the doctor walked into the room looking very serious, which frightened Riza. "Tomorrow morning you will be prepped for surgery at eight o'clock. The procedure will take about two hours and the anesthetics will wear off about an hour later and then if all goes well you will be released from the hospital in two days."

"ok, thank you very much doctor." Roy said. He glanced over to Riza who was sitting up with a blank expression on her face. "Surgery Roy how am going to get through surgery."

"Riza I will be there you twenty-four seven it will be ok I promise." Roy said giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

The next day went by so fast Riza barely remembers any of it she just remembers that waking up, after what felt like twenty minutes, and sees Roy standing right by her side.

"Good, afternoon sleeping beauty, the doctor told me everything went well and they just have to do a few more tests to make sure everything is ok and then tomorrow morning you will be released from the hospital but, you cant stay by yourself for the first week because you will be in a lot of pain so you'll be on pain meds so you'll be a high for a while and someone will have to change the dressing on your stitches from the surgery. But that's it."

"Well, Roy would you mind calling Fuery and ask him if its ok he takes care of me for a week that would be really great." Riza asked with pleading amused eyes.

Roy looked like he just got slapped in the face. "Riza, don't call Fuery, he is to immature. I would be happy to take care of you for a week and don't say anything cause my mind is made up and that's what I'm doing.

OK, sorry this is soooo late I know its kinda rushed but I really just want to get the story finished and over with so I don't have to worry about it. I am starting to really not like and I have major writers block. I will update soon. I promise.


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